I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
