you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
