No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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