I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
