Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
