I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
