There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
