And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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