I wish I only lived at night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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