Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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