Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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