He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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