It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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