Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
