so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
