If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
