I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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