So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
