So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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