Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
