one might say we're banned from that church
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
