summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
