PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
