Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
