i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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