obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I AM VODKA MAN
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
