Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
