You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
