I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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