butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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