i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
