i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
