dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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