Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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