my vag is so smooth its legendary
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
