plz talk dirty to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize
