I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
