the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My penis needs a shock collar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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