You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
