What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
