Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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