yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
