I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
