You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
