omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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