Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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