Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i came on her dog
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
