We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
