Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
