i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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